So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
