my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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