so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
