Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
