my soul wont recognize me after tonight
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
