genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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