Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
