first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
