he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
