when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
