Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
