see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
