Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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