i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
