I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
