I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
