drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize