Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
