I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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