Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize