my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
