Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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