I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
