All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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