I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
