First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
