Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
