Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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