is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
