Say something about gay babies.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize