Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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