Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
