As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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