so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm having to shit out rocks
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
