Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
