They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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