I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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