you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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