Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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