awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
