some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
