Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
