HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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