OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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