if i can run in heels then i can drive
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
