I will die if light touches me.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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