I got chris browned last night
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
