You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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