Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
