she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
This is my gift to your gina
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
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