just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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