this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
