it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My dick has a subreddit
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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