I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
