i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
