Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
