I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize