I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
