I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
