Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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