i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
