just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize