I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
