How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
