Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
