the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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