Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
