I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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