i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
