the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize