I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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