at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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