Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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