4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
