I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
