conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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